Thursday, October 29, 2009

Out with the OLD and in with the...um, MODIFIED




So I've always battled with taking my ex's back. They're your ex for a reason right? However, recently I've come across a dilemma. One of my ex's (who shall remain nameless) got his shit somewhat together, he's changed for the good, and I LOVE IT! His out look on life has grown. He went from F**K the world to realizing the world wasn't to blame. Listening to him talk now it's like he's a completely different person. Is that possible? I know people can change but can they truly leave all their old ways behind. I mean we can sit and have real conversations for three hours every damn day. No arguing, no cussing, no hanging up on each other, shit no hanging up mad. He says I LOVE YOU as if I never left.

I sit and talk to him and like I said I love what I hear. But, I also remember the old him. I'm not one for holding the past against someone. And i'm not one to keep telling him what he did wrong. However, it all seems too damn sketchy. As a person i'm allowed to have doubts, and as a woman i'm allowed to question his genuineness.

I think the reason it seems to sketchy is cause he wants me to meet his mother. I've never meet anyone's mother on purpose LOL. I'm scared as hell and i'm not feeling it at all. I mean I've talked to her on the phone but, why can't it end there? Is it some kind of validation men are looking for when they ask you to meet their mother? and I am not saying that I am never going to meet anyone's mother but I think I'm feeling like, IS IT WORTH IT?
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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Second Strings

Okay......this has been bugging me for a while and I've been telling myself it isn't my place but as a WOMAN I'm still hella pissed off.

I can't stand when a "woman" speaks empowerment and creates songs about finding love and being hurt and being happy with her man when all the while she hugged up with another woman's man. And no I'm not limiting my comments to ALICIA KEYS {however she is the one who sparked my anger} I'm speaking of women in general. How can you speak on female empowerment when your bringing another female down. How can you find it in your heart to sing a song like "doesn't mean anything" when literally your saying to another WOMAN that she doesn't mean anything. How can you block out another woman's feelings for you own personal gain? How can you not put yourself in their shoes? At what point do you step back and say "That was wrong, what was I thinking?" or do you never second guess yourself so that you'll never have to feel the pain you just put that WOMAN through.

I was 17 when I slept with another WOMAN'S man. After I did the deed, I went to our local hangout and smiled right in her face like it didn't even matter. Like, what I did was okay{but again i was 17 not 30, i'm not giving excuses but at 30 you would think you have more sense...}. At 22, GOD showed me just what I did to that other girl and how I made her feel. I'm not saying that Alicia will get her day and I'm not sayin maybe Mashonda deserved it {I'm only speaking of these two because its the most open case}. But I am saying have that respect for that other woman if nothing else. If you feel justified with what you are doing even if your hurting someone else. Be a WOMAN and speak to that WOMAN WOMANLY. I'm not saying you owe her an explanation but, give her that respect. Falling in love with another woman's man is not OKAY but it does happen. But what also happens is LOVE gets confused with LUST.

And that is where you Second Strings start complicating things. Second Strings don't know/understand LOVE they've only been introduced to LUST. So when they are presented with LUST they act on it not knowing that it isn't LOVE. What they also fail to realize is that even if you have fallen for this man he belongs to someone else. Second Strings only care about themselves and they only see what's in front of them.

And no this is not letting the men off the hook. But it is understanding that as a woman you can't say you wanna build women up to be strong beautiful powerful women and knock them down in the next sentence.

I do understand that it is easy for someone to portray what they want to be in front of those they don't know. But, isn't easier to just be you all the way around?
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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Papers...

I was sitting in my office the other day listening to Usher's song PAPERS and one of my close co-workers came in and said "i can't believe you were listening to that song. That's the worse song Usher has ever made...no one cares about him and his damn divorce." I sat and I thought about what he said and I couldn't help but say..."If that's all you got out of that song then i'm sorry."

For me it wasn't about his divorce and it wasn't about him and Tameka. It was about losing yourself in someone else. It was about changing yourself to fit someone else's view and they still got a damn problem wit it.

Have you ever been in a situation where all you wanna do is love and be loved, but when you find it you don't realize it ain't for you, but you can't see that cause you want it (love) so bad?

It sucks that people can listen to a song and immediately draw conclusions because you've heard about all this stuff that happened in this persons life. Music can be interpreted in many different ways and have many different views/meanings. And it saddens me that people assume that because someone is getting a divorce and they write a song that that's all the song has to offer. Dig deeper people.
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